We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
