This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
