Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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