And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
