I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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