Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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