Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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