So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
