I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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