yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
