i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
