oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
