The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
