she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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