So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
