So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
