we have officially lost it.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want to have your abortion
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
