too bad you live with your parents still
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize