I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize