my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
