3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
