addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
