Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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