did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
