We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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