i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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