I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You ate ashes out of my bong
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
