Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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