At least make sure they are 18
Why
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
