My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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