When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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