Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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