I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
