Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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