i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
