my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
