1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
