Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
