this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
