It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
