I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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