We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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