went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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