id be glad to
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They are going to name an STD after you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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