I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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