Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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