You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
