u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
