what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
