She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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