how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
