apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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