Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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