brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
