I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
