Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
