i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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