3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
