Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
