I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you would pick up someone in the library
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
