Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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