I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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