singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
