I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
