I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize