So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
