Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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