She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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