I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
