I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
