My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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