Are we in a gay sports bar?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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