Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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