can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
